8/7/02
The black girders rose triumphantly, defiant in their lack
of detail. The clean lines of an abstract industrial swagger. Jennie sat
comfortably in the stainless steel chair. I sat across gazing, the lights
bouncing off her long black hair at odd angles. We were having Mexican at the
old Metreon foodcourt.
“How’s the guacamole?”
“A bit limey,” she said. “I think we should cut it with some
cumin.”
Jennie had always been taste sensitive, at least she had
been in high school.
“But Jennie,” I said, smiling, nervous, overthinking my
words. “Cumin is hard to come by these days.”
She looked into my eyes and took a no-look dip with her
chip.
“You ain’t kiddin’”
And that was the beginning of our affair. We had seen each other, again, as they say, at our 25th High School reunion. It was almost like we were meant to see each other that night. Our lonely, desperate lives singling each other out and letting us in on the secret of love. After a few awkward moments at the makeshift bar past and future melted into each other. We talked about career plans. We made fun of fat women and bald men. We talked about the confused emotions, the absurd anxieties, and the sheer oldness of those times.
Like they never really happened, she said.
We expressed shock that we had not seen each other since
graduation given that neither of us had ever left San Francisco. We counted the
times when we could have run into each other, the stations where our shuttle
routes crossed paths, our favorite restaurants and grocery stores. We made
plans to keep in touch, exchanged codes, and took note of each other’s supple
parts.
To be honest, I had my eyes on Jennie long before our 25th
reunion. A few years back I had heard from a friend that she was working for
the Federal Mint, a government bureaucrat with an office overlooking the
Castro. When I realized that she was working in San Francisco all the old
feelings came rushing back. I had always been in love with Jennie, ever since
junior prom when she drunkenly told me she wanted to be a hair stylist in
Tokyo. But here was a real opportunity, I thought. When I drove by the Mint I
could smell the chemicals in her conditioner. I even fantasized about
frolicking in vast piles of money, dollar bills stained with sex, naked in the
presence of the global economic system. But I had time to bide. Plans were in
order. Love shouldn’t be hurried.
I had made the first move and invited Jennie to the Metreon,
our old stomping ground. In the heady days of patriotic resolve it had been rebuilt
girder for girder. It was only recently that the top two floors had been
converted into office space—fuzzy cardboard cubicles. But the foodcourt was
still there along with Julian’s Bar and a gallery dedicated to the history of
the Metreon, from its construction by debt-ridden Japanese entrepreneurs in the
mid-1990s through its temporary closure after the Terror of July and, as the
plaque said, “through the current era of peace and beyond.” Walking slowly
through the dim lit hall it made, or should I say, allowed Jennie and I to
realize that we had been a witness to history. Real history, to things turning
against themselves, to traitors, conspirators, and thieves. As we approached
the grainy black and white photos of those convicted tears shown in Jennie’s
eyes. I turned toward her and gently held her arm. Her cheeks turned glisteny
and red and she asked where I had been that day, if I had been injured, and if
I knew anybody involved in the planning of the attacks. I put my arm around her
and nodded. “Yes,” I whispered, “I did. But not right now, Jennie. We’ll talk
about serious things after Mexican.”
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